Written on 12/31/12 at 10:25PM
It’s already here…2013. Most of the world has already sung the songs, watched the fireworks, shared the kisses and well-wishes. There’s just this little section of the globe that still sits in wait for the future to begin.
What a tender and sometimes bittersweet year 2012 has been. From huge global and national events (Newtown, Connecticut, my heart pours out to you) to deeply personal transitions, each morning I woke up and said, “This day I’ll move forward just a little bit more. One foot in front of the other.”
Morning is my best time. Like “BeeGirl,” I’m ready to fly! I’m full of the day’s best intentions, the list of “to do’s.” I flit from one project to the next with relative ease and sometimes efficiency. I’m working for the creative hive, making my share of life’s sweet honey, seeking out that perfect metaphor, the stories that we all share.
But evenings are tougher, filled with reflection, fatigue and sometimes regret. What else could I have done? Where did I get distracted, pulled off my sweet honeybee course? How could I have served my family, my community, my art better? Could have a “do over”…please?
Tick-tock, tick-tock: Just 1.5 hours until 2013. I’ve never been big on New Year’s resolutions. Oh, when I was a kid, I had long lists! But now I’ve seen how many I’ve let slip away. So, I tend to spare myself the disappointment and occasional embarrassment. But don’t I need to strengthen my will? You bet! “The hard work fortifies my will,” says Caleb Daniloff in his new book Running Ransom Road. “I move through this so I can move through that. One foot in front of the other. One run at a time.”
In 2013 I will hit that magical age of 64. Come mid-November my friends and family will all be ready to sing that classical Beatles Song, “When I’m 64, will you still need me?” This year I want to do more for my own art, my own well-being. I want to remember the vision I had at age 18 of what my Future Self would be: Healthy, happy, creative, full of intellectual curiosity and good books.
My hubby is saying this right now: “You should take care of yourself, B.Z. Get off the computer. Take a nice hot shower.” He’s right, you know. Hey BeeGirl, show me the flowers, help me follow that sweet honeybee course.
Tick-tock, tick-tock. My Future Self is staring at me through the looking glass, wondering what this new year will bring. So, adieu, 2012. I’m taking heed and putting one foot in front of the other.